Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
