Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
