So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
