whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
