During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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