we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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