38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
