I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
