This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
