I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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