so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
