I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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