well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
