Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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