she was so not down for the gang bang
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
