I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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