If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
