I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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