woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
