There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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