the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
