U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
