Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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