OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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