Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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