I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
