thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
