Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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