We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
