Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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