it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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