Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
