we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
