I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
