I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
this will be a night to untag.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
