just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
