Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
