dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
A bitchslap is in order.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
