I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
