He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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