What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
