I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
