well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
