what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
