nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
