I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
