I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
