Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
