1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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