I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
